An Organ Recipients Perspective

When talking about Organ Donation much of the discussion in about the donor and their family.  The closure, comfort and purpose that can come  and help make sense of a tragedy for the family.  This is an important perspective in this discussion but there is another side to organ donation, the perspective of the recipient.

For most organ recipients they do not know their donor’s family.  This information may in time be released to the recipient with the permission of the donor’s family.  I learned early on in this process when you are told you need a transplant there is a flood of emotions, a fear of dying and a fear of the unknown just to name a couple.  In a relative short time you come to terms with these emotions but the emotion that weighs most heavily and persistently relates to your unknown donor.

Amidst all of the angst and turmoil of your situation you realize that somewhere there is a family that will have to endure the very loss you are fighting to prevent for your family.  This becomes a burden that you carry with you and it is nearly impossible to reconcile.  You have feelings of inadequacy and guilt.  You have a sense of humility and tremendous gratitude toward this unknown benefactor.  As time passes you swirl between these emotions like a leaf being tossed by a gale.

What haunts me most is the donor’s family.  I am in my mid-forties.  I started by family young and so now they are adults, in college and starting to make their own way in the world.  They have only a minimal dependency on me and in a large measure I have fulfilled much of the purpose of my life.  I had hoped to have many years with my lovely wife being “teenagers” again and with grandchildren, but by perhaps the most significant measure there is a completeness to my life now.  It has been full and while I have many hopes and dreams for the future one significant chapter has been completed.  With these thoughts and feelings as a backdrop I think about the donor, what if he is a young father, a newlywed, or has teenage children etc.  Doesn’t he seem to deserve life more than I?  He has much to accomplish, children who depend on him for food and shelter.  There is a desire to reach out and warn this unknown stranger and try to protect them, but like so many other things in this situation you are helpless.  Depending on the type of transplant some have the option of a living donor.  Mine is such a case and I have had a number of people express a willingness and interest in being a donor.  Surprisingly this is not much simpler from an emotional perspective.  You are still haunted by many of the same emotions.  I will write more about living donors in a future post.

Prior to my diagnosis I learned that musician, composer and producer, Paul Cardall was waiting for a heart transplant.  I have been a fan of his music and his ability to touch and inspire the soul through music.  Here is a young father, talented and who has the ability to touch so many lives for good that was now fighting for this own life.  At the time I would have never expected that I would soon be facing the same challenges.  For National Donate Life Month he has created the following video of his feelings about his donor, told through music.  Music he wrote in remembrance of his borther who died while he waited for a transplant but who was able to be a donor to someone else.  This is the inspirational story of one man who’s family saw both sides of organ donation and the meaning of a donation to one recipient.

I have been urging readers to become organ donors if they are not already.  But what is you are already and organ donor?  Then help tell the story of the tremendous need and the magnitude of this gift.  Ask your friends, family and associates if they are donors and share why you became a donor or send them a link to the above video, or one of the many others and refer them to DonateLife.net.