Gratitude and Giving Thanks…

This morning I am filled with indescribable feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving. This is a landmark like none other. As we approach the end of November our thoughts are turned to the holidays and hopefully to others.  To gratitude and giving thanks, at times this is hard amid the noise of the commercial holiday hype. But today that hype is faraway, psychologically and literally.

Today I sit in silence, the deep indigo ocean passes by my verandah, touched with shades of brilliant caribbean blue as the ship mixes air with the otherwise dark ocean and the sun peaks over the eastern horizon. We move slowly as we ease into port.

This Thanksgiving will be like none I have ever known.  I am far from my home and yet in some ways not so far. As we make port on the Dutch isle of Sint Maarten I am far from my physical home in Minnesota. But just inside my lovely wife lies sleeping. As long as she is near I am home and geography is irrelevant. Today will not be filed with hours in the kitchen and a house filled with family and friends. There will be no turkey and stuffing, no dishes to wash, no schedules, just peaceful relaxation and reflection. Just the two of us, on a distant island, half Dutch, half French a world apart from our “normal life.”

“Normal life,” what a concept, an ever changing moving and evolving perspective.  One that we can only appreciate through the lens of hindsight.  Thanksgiving 2009 I wrote about the Atonement, my wife, my family, medical science, tribulation and my bounty of blessings.  Those thoughts reflected “normal life” at that time.  A year later, we were fully amidst the season of tribulation and I was unable to share any personal thoughts of Thanksgiving.  Instead I shared the story of Chris James and his mothers celebration and giving thanks.  I had lost much of my mental capacity, I could not concentrate long enough to compose any type of personal message or reflection. This was now “normal life”.

So today another year has passed.  The season of tribulation, illness and suffering has also passed.  Not just my suffering but also the suffering of those around me, particularly the suffering of my wife as she has watched me slowly die and then in an instant recover.  She attended to my every need, cared for me and prayed for me.  She saw the ugliness that I can not remember, she dealt with the nonsensical and erratic behavior that was part of my hepatic encephalopathy.  She said good-by time and time again as an ambulance took me way, or in the door way of a hospital room.  She showed her strength as death seemed imminent  and it appeared her life would be changed forever.  There is no way I can imagine how difficult this past season has been for her, she bears scars that only another caregiver could possibly understand.  Several times a week she will tell me how nice it is “you can think again” or “I am so happy your brain works.”  Seeing the joy in her eyes makes me happy even though there is no way for me to understand.

Our lives have changed forever, not as is appeared they might on those bleak days in late May.  Rather it has changed forever by taking a different course.  A course of genius, recovery, new beginnings and new firsts.  ”Normal life” is now a fairytale, one of triumph, blessings and survival against the odds.  Remarkable recover, new beginnings, new changes, new directions and new life.

The things that I listed as gratitudes in 2009 are still the same.  But to that list I would like to add gratitude for my anonymous donor, and their family.  I want to express my gratitude to them for their donation and hope that they find comfort in this season by knowing of my gratitude and the new life they have given me.

Equally important I want to express my gratitude to Julie, she has stood by me for these past 26+ years, through sickness and health, poverty and wealth.  She is my greatest joy, the light the brightens by days, my pillar and my love.  I look forward to spending eternity with her, and in some measure repaying all that she has done for me.

As I feel the ship pull snug against the pier I need to go and wake Julie.  Prepare for our day, for our celebration.  We have called this cruise our “Celebrate Life Cruise”, our time to rest, relax and recover from the seasons passed.  To contempt the blessings which have been our bounty this year.  A time to focus on our new future and the many possibilities that lay ahead.

Today as you gather with your families and friends or perhaps celebrate alone.  Pause and reflect on the past and the future.  Your life may be filled with bounty and all you dream of, give thanks be tomorrow it may change.  Your life may be filled with pain, suffering, trial or tribulation, but amidst all this there are blessings, little jewels for which you can be grateful.  Polish them and hold them and give thanks, for tomorrow it may all changes and the pains and suffering of today may fade for a new and different future.  The the gems of gratitude are the building blocks of our lives and our character. Like diamonds the most precious are rare and formed under tremendous heat and pressure.