Auld Lang Syne

New Years Eve is a time of reflection on the past and contemplation of the future.  The Scottish poem, now song, Auld Lang Syne has become synonymous with New Years Eve. While most celebrants know the words, when asked, few understand it’s meaning or significance.  The title translates as “Days Gone By” and so it is a fitting partner as we reflect on the passing year. The song begins by questioning if we should forget the people and experiences of the past.

“Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne?”

It continues with several stanzas of reminiscences and ends with words of clasping hands, toasting the past of moving on together.

“And there’s a hand my trusty friend! And give us a hand o’ thine! And we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.”

So, This New Years Eve I share my reflections of 2011 and contemplations of 2012.

Reflections of 2011

2011 began with little celebration.  I spent New Years Eve alone in my hospital room, my son celebrated a thousand miles away with friends and my wife and daughter celebrated with best friends more than 150 miles away.  So I “celebrated” in solitude, no dancing, no confetti, no balloons, the only noise makers were various pieces of medical equipment that filled my room.

Briefly I reflected upon the year gone by and I contemplated what might be ahead in 2011.  My wishes and resolutions were simple.

“That Julie [would] feel not just the peace of knowing that I [was] okay but have the strength to endure the challenges that she face[d] as my caregiver.”  I resolved “to be alive on new years 2012.  To have the physical strength to remain eligible for a transplant and have the strength to recover quickly and return to life and supporting my family as soon as possible.” (Looking Forward, a New Year)

2011 did not unfold at all as expected.  What we expected to be another year of waiting for the transplant was cut short in May when my health suddenly declined.  Exactly seven months ago my life hung in the balance as near midnight I went into the operating room with an uncertain future.  The transplant was successful and I survived the surgery.  I was given a new beginning and a new life.  With that I was able to keep my resolution and I am alive on New Years 2012.  Not just alive but beating the odds and the expectations.

It is not possible to reflect on 2011 without feelings of gratitude for so many.  Friends who helped Julie and my daughter celebrate the 2011 new year and for a moment forget about illness, hospitals and an uncertain future.  For friends who generously adopted our dog for nearly two months while we moved to be near the clinic for my care.  For doctors, nurses, dietitians, psychologists, technicians and everyone else associated with my care.  To all of you and many more I can’t list,  Thank You, I am here is some part because of your efforts, kindness and love.

My greatest gratitude is to another anonymous family.  Who in the midst of tremendous loss that final night in May; chose to give the gift of life.  The gift that made it possible for me to keep my resolution and be here to reflect back on that night.

Finally, I need to express my gratitude to my lovely wife Julie.  She put her life on hold and made uncounted sacrifices to care for me.  She faced incomprehensible nightmares as day after day and night after night she faced the unknown alone.  She watched as I slowly died and came to terms with that seemingly inevitable reality.  She witness the miracle of medical science and anonymous generosity that brought be back from the brink of death.  She rode the unimaginable roller coaster what was our life in 2011.  She was always there, she always showed her strength.  Without her my fight, my will, would have died long before the transplant came.

Contemplations of 2012

As we celebrate this New Years Eve, it is like my first New Years Eve.  I look forward to holding Julie close as the clock strikes midnight and getting the kiss I missed last year.  The rest of the 2012 is a blank slate.  The options are endless.  Again my resolution is simple, on New Years 2013 to reflect back and see that I have been able to make a real difference in the life of at least one individual.

This New Years Eve I toast Julie by paraphrasing James Watson’s 1711 ballad:

Here’s a hand my dear wife! And give me a hand o’ thine!
Together yet we’ll raise a toast, to Old lang syne

My Heart is ravisht with delight, when thee I think upon;
All grief and sorrow takes the flight, and speedily is gone;

The bright resemblance of thy face, so fills this, heart of mine;
That force nor fate can me displease, for Old lang syne.